Posts Written By Pyxis

The Gorgeous GM pt. 1/3

The Gorgeous GM pt. 2/3

Being a GM was something Rebecca took seriously. She was the raidleader. She traced the gear of all her guildees, did gearing runs before raid times. The guildsite was pro. Very pro. She was talking with everybody; smoothing out little things before they became big things. She hunted players for a 25 team. To do all this she was spending more hours than a fulltime job, by far. She was committed and that energy spread around. Happy weeks raiding followed.

But.

A small guild is different than a big one, like the one they came from. When you go online off-peak, there won’t be many to play with. You might miss that.

One weekend, she needed to go away, and she found out that the minute she was gone that bitch (Leadergirl) had asked her guildees to spotfill.
Worse: they complied.
That hurt.

Then, her tank disappeared. Without saying anything he quit the guild and returned to Leadergirl.
A week later, her Warlock quit the game. I need to study.
Same day, the best healer went back to Leadergirl. I want to do 25 man.

And Rebecca herself was not happy with the commitment levels of at least half her team. They weren’t that into it. They wanted to play, but they got tired, didn’t want to do a couple more tries after midnight to finish a boss off. Or they had work. Or gf’s. RL excuses. She got annoyed. With the slacking. With incompetence. With betrayal. With dailies. With sorting things out. With everything.

Two things coincided. This Pala, one of her first friends, had gotten more than friendly with her. She had booked a ticket, and they were gonna meet up in little over a week. But, he skyped, he couldn’t pick her up. Mental Issues. Money Issues. Things. But! He was looking forward to see her!
Fuck him, she said to me. WTF is he thinking. WTF not picking me up. Afraid of going outdoors?!  WTF. (This is the clean version: she was angry and disappointed: she had been looking forward so much to visit him.)
Later that day during the raid, a new person, a total nobody, started to complain about loot.
That was it.
She  fu’ed them all. She  called them names. She raged. She raged hard.

And she quit.

For good.

The Gorgeous GM pt. 1/3

After a night of long emotional conversations, Rebecca started planning and recruiting for the new guild. Some wanted to join, some were in doubt, some were evasive. As usual, there are surprises and disappointments when you ask people to show their true colors, but she had no time to contemplate.
She needed a team.

Those on her side, she tried to skype. With cam. She wanted to see who she was dealing with.
Rebecca herself was beautiful, and exceptionally so. (Picture the reaction of some of those guys living in mom’s basement.) Also, or maybe because of that, she didn’t do submissive things; she never tilted her head (not in person nor in pictures), no prolonged whiny sounds in her speach oooh, don’t do thaaaaat, no little high exclamations, none of these. She would look at you straight, and bark questions about gear, commitment, raiding times and dps.

Her updates to me sounded upbeat. She got a 10-men team with some back-ups. And more important: their guild would lose some key players.
They were going down.

D-day. Forming the guild. Guildquits, followed by invites. She had the main tank, two healers, and a couple of the top dps from her former 25-man progression team. First raid: the same day. And they wouldn’t be able to raid.

Thrilled and glowing with pride she walked the streets of Stormwind.

At a party, Rebecca, a friend of a friend, asked me what games I played and if I could advice her something to try. She was into the phone games, (feeding pets, growing pumpkins, decorating houses, the works) and wanted to broaden her horizon. Something sweet, not too brutal, no walking around with a gun.

Maybe you will like Warcraft, I said. The same quick reward system, and you can be an elf. She wanted to be an elf. I sent her an invitiation, and she created a blonde hunter elf. I showed her around for the first couple of hours and left her to it.

At that point I was not playing Warcraft much, so it took a couple of days before I checked up on her. She had levelled a lot, asked me an incredible amount of questions and didn’t really have time to listen to the answers. I saw the signs. She was falling for it. And she was falling hard. Soon she told me about her spreadsheets, her own gear calculating system and self programmed hovering tools. I pictured her desk as glowing screens in center, surrounded by scribbled notes, empty cans of Red Bull and forgotten foods.

She wanted to be the best.

She wanted to raid and be top dps.

She got into a guild and started raiding a couple of times a week. And it went well; she was making progress, learning the tactics, topping the dps. And she expected the same dedication of others. This guild had the fairly common guy-girl leadership. She got along great with everybody, but not that great with leadergirl. There was tension between them. Then Leadergirl cancelled some raids, changed times and switched players around teams for no apparent reason. Rebecca got angry with Leadergirl, I want to play, why did you cancel, we need to progress, why did we get the noob healer, and as reply Leadergirl kicked her. Just like that.

Hours spend on various mumbles. This guild had to be crushed. She would take away her team and start her own guild.

My guild at the time had some good players. The best of them was 14 y.o. Ben.

One day, Ben and I were playing together. More specifically, he was boosting and chaperoning my alt in Booty Bay. Me looting as fast as possible, while he cleared the way, and killed of random Alliance on the side. We discussed Cassius Clay. Talked briefly about Ghost in the Shell. And then I casually mentioned an ex.

His tone of voice changed.
‘Why did you break up?’
Too serious. He sounded too serious.

Why. Because he was an idiot. Because it was based on that one perfect summer evening, with the endless talking, where it seemed destined to be.  Because hormones don’t think long term. Because of unconscious patterns you end up repeating, but shouldn’t.  Because I lied to myself. Because all of that, and none of that.

‘We didn’t fit together. We thought we did, but we didn’t.’

‘Yeah,’ he said.
After a pause. ‘Yeah, my mom said the same.’

I have spent time in gaming environments, and part of that in MMO’s. Playing with others. To quote Phyllis Greenacre If two people are repeatedly alone together, some sort of emotional bond will develop between them. Does this apply to virtual relations? What are these anyway? How much of it, if any, is real?

Often I am surprised how accurate gaming friends can judge me. That’s not for you. Watch that movie, you will like it. Omg, you forgot, of course you did. Spot on. At least some of me shines through. But, there are also gaps with real life and sometimes they pop up in little things. F.e., in game, I am seen as someone who can cook. IRL, in any event ever where I had to bring a homemade dish, I’m questioned about who made it. And eyed suspiciously when I reply that I made it myself.

How much do I colour, do I create while interacting online? (I do that irl too, but I can’t help doing more of it online, right?) Things do happen, though.  Liking some, disliking others. Nightly confessions, sharing, an infatuation, disappointments, getting angry. Real feelings. In that sense it is real.
And connections, emotional bonds, leave traces, and memories.

Not to mention what happens when you meet, and worlds clash.