Browsing Category Pyxis


The raid that day was canceled, on very short notice. Quite rare. Somebody had an aunt’s birthday, something like that, announced that on the raid sheet in the morning and then others spontaneously decided they had better things to do as well. Vizp didn’t know this, he was on time, – ten minutes early – , and exploded when he found out that nothing was going to happen.

He completely exploded.

People were trying to sooth him. You know, an aunt’s birthday. Things happen.
‘Wtf, canceled,’ he started. ‘Do you even know what I canceled to be here? My girlfriend is in the hospital getting chemo. And I am here. For fucking nothing.’

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Guild drama. It is bound to happen. It will happen. Expected or unexpected, in ever changing appearances. It can be entertaining, tiring, frustrating or hurtful. If you are there to witness it, that is.

My luck: drama happened, and I was not around. I picked up traces from different sides; a Death Knight (in the non op days) from the progression team, a good player, had been replaced. Due to his work, he couldn’t play certain months, but he had always kept his place. This time he came back and got kicked. A complete surprise.

Some said he got replaced because the other person was better. (Hard to believe.) Some said it was because he had offended the raid leader. And some speculated it was because he was better than the raid leader.

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About camping

Camping is one of the few morally wrong things to do in a game. And I like it. I am one. I am a camper.

When Destiny came out, the shotgun was op. So, what you could do was hide, and hit and shoot someone who didn’t instantly notice you. As a camper, you never get away with the same spot for long, of course, the ones you killed know. They will take it personally. Going on a mission to hunt you down. Running to the hide spot, blinded by rage. And, if things work out completely for me, by that time I would have moved to a place where I can snipe my former hiding location. Headshot, baby!

Love that feeling.

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What is a gamer?

A gamer. Who is that? If you would take it literally, it means someone who plays a game. So that would make practically everybody a gamer, and it would be a pretty empty word to describe yourself. Like t.v. watcher. Or driver. Gamer is not an empty word though: you see people calling themselves a gamer everywhere.

The connotation I have with the word gamer is someone who plays games professionally, or at least passionately, or is a games connoisseur. Hence, I would never describe myself as a gamer, just like I would never describe myself as a pianist. I’d say, I play the piano, or I play games. To me it would sound wrong to state that I am a gamer.

But the word gamer is out there. Not just for the professional gamers. There is something else going on here. It is the designation of a subculture. It is an identity label. Like hipster, foodie, emo, goth, etc.

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The Mystery of Ancient Hypergates

As long as I can remember, when you enter an Ancient Hypergates game, people gather up at left. Left is default. Both sides are just as far away, you could go either way. (Like in a Voidstar.) Or you could always go for a split, like in ranked. But no. Left is ‘ours’. Right is ‘theirs’.


In my short career in retail, I was taught that shoppers cruise predictably through a shop. Counterclockwise. And sure enough, once you know this, you see it. All of them moving around counterclockwise. Like programmed drones. Scary.

But, in Ancient Hypergates counterclockwise would mean right…

What is going on here?

So far I have two theories.

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Red’s Lesson

Normally you don’t exactly know what makes you ‘like-like’ someone. It is a mix of smell, looks, environment, personality, that day, everything. In game, you lack these magic ingredients; you have the typed sentences and maybe a voice. Why do so many people fall in love in game?

I used to think that the most fun thing about games and the Internet in general was, that you could be whatever you want to be, and change that every day. It doesn’t matter. Questions about ‘me’ or ‘you’ are of no importance and could be answered at random. Who cares about the real us. Let’s just play.

Others didn’t think like me.

A guy, Red, told me I should reply to someone that had whispered me. He thought I might like to talk with him. At that moment I was sort of busy whispering, so I had been forgetting to answer this particular person. I replied. And, oh yes, did we hit it off. Almost instantly, he sparked something in me. How he talked, what he said. I was interested. Romantically. Over a couple of sentences. I liked him. Like-liked him.

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…, and some drug and bewitch the soul with a kind of evil persuasion. Gorgias

Are you an addict?

To define addiction, I will limit myself and use one of the definitions of Michael J. Kuhar: an addiction is seeking and taking drugs, in spite of personal distress and harmful consequences. An addiction is something that you do; it is a behavior.

Is there a connection between substance addictions (like cocaine, alcohol, painkillers) and behavior addictions (like gambling and gaming)?

In the DSM V gambling changed from being categorized as ‘impulse control disorder’ to the category of addiction or the ‘substance use disorders’. This means that gambling is now seen as best understood when it it regarded like substance abuse. In other words addiction to a substance or to a behavior works similarly. Gaming addiction is not (yet) officially diagnosable as an addiction/disorder.

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Issues with Kurloc (post guildmeet)

Strangely enough, after the first couple of times of playing with Kurloc, he changed back to himself. Apparently my brain made a different category for rl Kurloc and virtual Kurloc and my Kurloc had come back to life again.

He had to do a quest and he needed a goblin warlock. I had one. I logged him, without thinking it through. Kurloc saw my guildtag. It was not my main, but it was my main’s guildtag. It was my real guild. My guild was known. And somewhat (understatement) notorious.

K: Lol <guildname>
P: Yeah. 🙂
K: So how you got in?
P: Long story.
(The story: I accidentally entered a battleground equipped with my fishing gear. Some dude commented on it, in a semi-rp-way, and I out-rp’ed him and his friend completely during the battle. He grinned and sent me a guild invite.)
K: Short story. You are a girl.
P: They didn’t know that.
K: Sure they did.

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A guildmeet pt. 2/2

Trying to act casual, I descended the stairs. Not feeling like a star, far from that. ‘Pyxis!’ someone exclaimed. I insta-smiled. (My body apparently insta-smiles when someone exclaims my name. Even when it’s my virtual one.)
‘Hi,’ I said to no-one in particular.
‘Hi!’ said someone who grabbed my hand and shook it, ‘Kurloc.’
‘Let me introduce you!’ he said.

Of course, I forgot most of the names. I see faces before me, merging together. Smiles, brown eyes, blue eyes, glasses, an occasional tattoo. Skinny people, fit people, and people that looked like they didn’t believe in going outside. It was hot. It was boiling down there. A low ceiling. The space was crammed with tables and chairs.
‘Pizza coming at seven,’ Kurloc informed me with a wink.
‘Nice,’ I said, keeping my cool.

It was like my first day going to a new school, after my family moved. I was six, walked through the gates, in the yard, the buildings, children running around me and I was shocked. I hadn’t thought about how the school would be, but somehow I did have expectations. Because it looked different. It all looked entirely different. And so did Kurloc. No conscious expectations, but I must have had some, since he looked different. And he seemed less friendly (and less hotheaded) than I had experienced him in game.

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A guildmeet pt. 1/2

Quietly leveling an alt. Got a guild invite spammed at me and saying yes simply matched my mood best. A lot of happy welcomes in guildchat and I happily thanked them in return.

This guild was the sort that would advertise with ‘nice bunch of people’, in other words, the worst kind, but it was new to me. So I checked out their website, where they posted friendly things. They also had guides for everything. And there was a guildmeet planned. Very close by. Just over an hour drive.

I could go.

But I shouldn’t.

It wouldn’t hurt to ask them about it. I casually mentioned it to an officer, named Kurloc. Bad temper, but always talkative. Kurloc said I should definitely come and that it would be good fun. I replied that I had reservations, being new to the guild, I could possibly hate everybody irl and vice versa. ‘No,’ he said decisively. ‘You won’t. I have already quite a good impression about you. It’s not about how you look or what you do online, so it’s easier to get to know someone.’

I strongly disagreed with everything he had said. But I didn’t really play with these guys anyway, there was nothing to lose.
‘Do it,’ he said, ‘you’ll like it.’
My curiosity won. ‘OK,’ I replied.

Friday evening, drizzling rain, walking in a shabby back street in an unfamiliar town. Here and there a shop. I was dead nervous and second guessing my decision to go. The meet was held at a games store. Found it. I opened the door, a little bell rang which made my heart beat out of my chest, and I forced myself in. T.L. Lights, games on display, (board games, chess sets, etc), a cash register, and one small table with people playing cards. They didn’t look up.

‘Hi,’ I tried, in a tightened voice.
‘Hey,’ mumbled one of them, and they continued playing.
I approached them. ‘The owner will be back in a minute,’ he said.
‘There is supposed to be a guildmeet here?’
Now all of them gave me a quick glance.
‘Yes, there is. Just go in the back, downstairs.’

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