At a party, Rebecca, a friend of a friend, asked me what games I played and if I could advice her something to try. She was into the phone games, (feeding pets, growing pumpkins, decorating houses, the works) and wanted to broaden her horizon. Something sweet, not too brutal, no walking around with a gun.

Maybe you will like Warcraft, I said. The same quick reward system, and you can be an elf. She wanted to be an elf. I sent her an invitiation, and she created a blonde hunter elf. I showed her around for the first couple of hours and left her to it.

At that point I was not playing Warcraft much, so it took a couple of days before I checked up on her. She had levelled a lot, asked me an incredible amount of questions and didn’t really have time to listen to the answers. I saw the signs. She was falling for it. And she was falling hard. Soon she told me about her spreadsheets, her own gear calculating system and self programmed hovering tools. I pictured her desk as glowing screens in center, surrounded by scribbled notes, empty cans of Red Bull and forgotten foods.

She wanted to be the best.

She wanted to raid and be top dps.

She got into a guild and started raiding a couple of times a week. And it went well; she was making progress, learning the tactics, topping the dps. And she expected the same dedication of others. This guild had the fairly common guy-girl leadership. She got along great with everybody, but not that great with leadergirl. There was tension between them. Then Leadergirl cancelled some raids, changed times and switched players around teams for no apparent reason. Rebecca got angry with Leadergirl, I want to play, why did you cancel, we need to progress, why did we get the noob healer, and as reply Leadergirl kicked her. Just like that.

Hours spend on various mumbles. This guild had to be crushed. She would take away her team and start her own guild.

My guild at the time had some good players. The best of them was 14 y.o. Ben.

One day, Ben and I were playing together. More specifically, he was boosting and chaperoning my alt in Booty Bay. Me looting as fast as possible, while he cleared the way, and killed of random Alliance on the side. We discussed Cassius Clay. Talked briefly about Ghost in the Shell. And then I casually mentioned an ex.

His tone of voice changed.
‘Why did you break up?’
Too serious. He sounded too serious.

Why. Because he was an idiot. Because it was based on that one perfect summer evening, with the endless talking, where it seemed destined to be.  Because hormones don’t think long term. Because of unconscious patterns you end up repeating, but shouldn’t.  Because I lied to myself. Because all of that, and none of that.

‘We didn’t fit together. We thought we did, but we didn’t.’

‘Yeah,’ he said.
After a pause. ‘Yeah, my mom said the same.’

I have spent time in gaming environments, and part of that in MMO’s. Playing with others. To quote Phyllis Greenacre If two people are repeatedly alone together, some sort of emotional bond will develop between them. Does this apply to virtual relations? What are these anyway? How much of it, if any, is real?

Often I am surprised how accurate gaming friends can judge me. That’s not for you. Watch that movie, you will like it. Omg, you forgot, of course you did. Spot on. At least some of me shines through. But, there are also gaps with real life and sometimes they pop up in little things. F.e., in game, I am seen as someone who can cook. IRL, in any event ever where I had to bring a homemade dish, I’m questioned about who made it. And eyed suspiciously when I reply that I made it myself.

How much do I colour, do I create while interacting online? (I do that irl too, but I can’t help doing more of it online, right?) Things do happen, though.  Liking some, disliking others. Nightly confessions, sharing, an infatuation, disappointments, getting angry. Real feelings. In that sense it is real.
And connections, emotional bonds, leave traces, and memories.

Not to mention what happens when you meet, and worlds clash.